Apropos of everything, I have been in pain for three weeks. I can’t concentrate, can’t sit still, can’t move around, and worst of all, I can’t drive. Or I can, but only for short distances for fear that my foot will cramp up on me.
It started with excruciating pain in my right hip and then it turned into shingles. Now the shingles is healing, the blisters have broken, but I have lost the ability to move my right foot. Walking is horrible, I’ve missed two (more) weeks of work, and even though the pain is less than it was, it still exists. I have a doctor’s appointment later this morning, but I don’t expect she’ll do anything. Maybe suggest a referral to a neurologist, but that will take what? Five or six months?
Yesterday was Rare Disease Day, so I suppose I should have celebrated having a rare complication from shingles. Whee. Happy Foot Drop Day. Hmm. Doesn’t make me feel any better. I’m still in pain. I still can’t raise my right foot. But hey, maybe one more person in the world will read this and will become aware of Foot Drop, and that’s a good thing. I guess. Doesn’t help me any, but maybe someone else will recognize the symptoms in their own foot and go to the doctor to get help…
Help. Ha. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a referral sometime in the near future, and if you’re really lucky, it might even be while you’re still experiencing whatever symptoms sent you to seek help in the first place.
I don’t know what to write in this post. Being sick since mid-January with one problem or other, plus being in pain every day and night for the last three weeks, I cannot concentrate on anything. I want to write but I can’t get started. I’m trying to re-read “Homeboy” by Seth Morgan, but I haven’t gotten very far. I can’t seem to read more than one or two chapters at a time. I’ve watched some half-hour TV comedies online, but never more than a couple episodes before I have to stop.
Apropos of everything; that’s it. I can’t even focus on my other medical problems, which may or may not be a more immediate danger to me. Heck, more often than not, pain is just pain; it doesn’t necessarily cause damage. High blood sugar isn’t good. A low platelet count can cause all manner of problems. Lupus has its own perverse way of destroying your body. Kidney disease and liver disease can kill if you don’t take care. (And sometimes even if you do.) But I can’t even think about those. Pain takes over everything. Your body, your mind, your thoughts, your plans, your hopes for the future.
If I believed in prayer, I’d ask for the pain to stop. But since prayer never worked for me, I can only hope I can hang on till it stops.
If it stops.
If it doesn’t… well, all I can say is thank goodness I’m in too much pain to even think about that right now.