It always felt a little foolish to dress like one of my favorite tv star/movie star/singer. I certainly had my share of “who do you think you are? Dressing like _____ won’t hide the fact that you’re a fat loser.” What’s weird is that when that picture was taken, I thought I looked like I fool. I was convinced I was so horribly fat. My peers told me I was, and I could barely stand to look at pictures of myself because I was so disgusted. But now, I see what looks like a normal average-sized 14-year-old girl. Maybe a little taller than average, but other than that, I do not see the girl I thought I was.
It still bothers me sometimes when I look at old pictures that do NOT show the fat, ugly fool I thought I was. Were people lying to me? Was I in fact acceptable all along? Did I waste all those years hating myself, hitting myself, cutting myself, in order to punish myself for being such a loser? Have I spent my whole life being a fool?